We are told that the human body is a miracle. But for all the billions of years of evolution, what have we to show for it? A machine that in only mild sunlight tends to overheat, requires a near-constant maintenance schedule just to stay operable, and occasionally seems to attack itself for no good reason. And when we add these “features” up, we still don’t get to the worth of, say, an ancient lizard that can regrow its skin every 27 days.
Each month, your whole outer skin, or epidermis, regenerates. So in the strictest sense, not only are you 12 times a year an entirely new person, but your skin is also the only part of you that can support such a claim. And yet, despite draping yourself in new and better-fitting epidermal sheets, you still haven’t learned how to fold a fitted sheet.
Our Brain is a Supercomputer Running on a Flickering Lightbulb
Information far rarer than the ridiculous amount of space we all have in our heads comes in through our senses every second. Your body is constantly toiling away to keep you alive and functioning, using so much energy that the amount left over for thinking and remembering is tiny, no matter how we try to boost it with protein shakes instead of, you know, eating food.
To make matters even more dismal, the cerebral organ utilizes the same power as a 10-watt light bulb. The most intricate structure in your body runs at the energy level of a nightlight. And there you have it. 28 reasons your body is both an engineering marvel and an absolute disaster. Now go wow your friends with this knowledge, or at the very least, make them uncomfortable.
Our Nervous System is High Speed but Low Control
Nerves transmit signals at 170 miles per hour, which is faster than the speed limit for most of the cars you see on the road. Even with this extraordinary velocity, though, we can’t seem to get the signal to the brain fast enough when we touch a hot pan. And when it comes to sneezing? That’s a completely different matter. A sneeze can be propelled at speeds of more than 100 miles an hour, making your face into a kind of biological shotgun. For everyone’s sake, please contour the projectile with your hand.
Hair, Nails, and Other Unnecessary Overachievers
Brunettes tend to have less hair than blondes do, which seems unfair since neither group gets to choose. If you want to know which part of the human anatomy works hardest and fastest, it has to be the middle finger. That digit doesn’t just have the largest muscles; it also has the fastest-growing fingernail. Poetic, huh?At the same time, your body is losing millions of skin cells each day, meaning that the dust in your home is, to a somewhat gruesome degree, composed of former parts of you. Sleep tight.
Your Stomach Acid is Your Internal Metal Grinder
The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razors, but this same acid has no power against a bad taco. If you’re thinking of any foolish plans, don’t. All the while, your intestines are doing the real work. The small intestine is actually the largest internal organ. Wildly coiled and supremely efficient, it’s a deadly place to be if you’re not something our digestive system needs. But sure, let’s keep giving the brain all the credit.
The Baby Factory
The majority of infants arrive in the world with cerulean peepers. It’s as though Mother Nature offers every child a temporary test color scheme before settling on the hue that will define them. And just when you thought it wasn’t possible to get any weirder, science went ahead and did it anyway in 2008 when the first baby was born from a transplanted ovary. That’s right; we’ve hit the stage of human development where body parts can be passed around like old clothes. Men have erections each hour during sleep. But you were probably not pondering that fact before now. However, knowledge is power, and now you are stronger.
Transplants and the Spare Parts Industry
At this point, contemporary medicine is less about restoring and more about substituting whatever organ in your body gives out first. We have been transplanting kidneys since 1954, hearts since 1967, and whole faces since 2005. Faces. As in, full identity transformations through the artistry of surgery.
In 2008, even managed to carry out the transplant of what has to be the coolest organ to replace using something other than a synthetic alternative as doctors transplanted a human windpipe using a patient’s own stem cells. I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty darn futuristic.
Your Feet’s Personal Swamp Lands
It’s a fun fact you didn’t request but your feet generate roughly a quart of sweat every day. That’s correct; the very appendages you stuff into footwear for extended periods are, with no fanfare, marinating in their own pretty wretchedness. Is it any surprise, then, that socks were invented?
In addition, walking is not nearly as easy as it appears. To take a single step, you employ 200 muscles, meaning your body is making an Olympic-level-effort just to move you from the couch to the fridge. Is it any wonder, then, that sitting feels so downright good?
